


Words I Could Never Say

by mhei_lynn



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:46:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22301299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhei_lynn/pseuds/mhei_lynn
Summary: “Merlin?”  Arthur’s hand waving at his face to get his attention, frowning, “Are you alright?”“I feel fine, my lord"
Relationships: Freya/Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	Words I Could Never Say

“What do you think about this Merlin?” Arthur had asked, reading over the court proposal. Merlin didn’t reply, repeatedly wiping the non-existent dirt on the chest plate.

“Are you even listening to me, Merlin?!” Arthur yelled, Merlin jumped from his spot dropping the cloth.

“Huh? What?”

Arthur’s anger softened into genuine concern “Are you alright Merlin? Anything you want to talk about?”

“I…”

_‘Yesterday I killed three people who tried to assassinate you, one was younger than us, so I’m still shaken by that’_ Merlin bit his tongue to stop any of it spilling out. The thoughts kept running but none ever vocalized.

_‘Sometimes I want to quit. Sometimes I want to leave. I always feel too tired, from you, from Camelot, from everything’_

_‘I was going to leave once you know? Her name was Freya and we were going to leave together but then you killed her. I never knew how I forgave you, sometimes I think I still hate you for it’_

“What’s going on Merlin? Whatever you did just tell me, it can’t be that bad” Merlin could hear the light tone of playfulness from his voice.

_‘You don’t know that. I killed people Arthur, I don’t even flinch when I do’_

_‘I poisoned Morgana, I’m the reason why she’s like that’_

_‘I released the dragon back then too, hundreds of people burned all because of me’_

_‘I was Dragoon and I killed your father. I didn’t mean to; I don’t what went wrong. I’m sorry’_

_‘I have magic, Arthur. If you knew, you’ll hate me even more. You keep saying I’m evil, I’m starting to think that maybe I am’_

_I keep walking down this path and sometimes I look back at everything I’ve done and all I see is an endless graveyard. So you’re right Arthur, it “_ can’t _” be that bad. Because it’s worse, so much worse…’_

_‘…and I don’t know how much more I can take…’_

“Merlin?” He snapped out of his trance. Arthur’s hand waving at his face to get his attention, frowning, “Are you alright?”

_‘No’_

He wanted to say so badly, but instead, he put out his signature goofy Merlin smile.

“I feel fine, my lord"

**Author's Note:**

> when you just feel really sad so you write the sadness out


End file.
